musings

I am sleepy and bleary eyed. I was woken at three in the morning by a cheesy text from OSG. They were song words (Last Request, Paulo Nutini). He knows I am a sucker for this man's voice, and he also knows I am a sucker for some fleeting moments of romance (especially from him as he NEVER EVER says nice things) so I guess all is forgiven, as long as he doesn't come and live with me in America. Talking of which, I want to be there already!!! I am sick of waitressing. I have 12 days left of work!!! Woo and hoo! I can not wait to leave because it signals my final week in Birmingham and indeed the UK. If I must be forced to admit, I am slightly scared about the whole thing. What if I don't make any friends?? What if I can't find anywhere to live (which isn't going well AT ALL btw) and what if I get no cock whatsoever?? OK the last one is a tad far fetched, I'm sure I'll be able to get some. But what if I hate it and I have to come back home? For me it will be like I have lost. I planned this great adventure with no help or guidance or permission. I had gusto and excitement at the beginning, but now I am a ball of nerves.

I am sad about leaving OSG too if I'm honest. For the past year this man has occupied all my thoughts, my bed and my heart. I can't really imagine not being able to just call him and say I'm on my way to see him. I can't think about him with another woman, which he will inevitably be doing as he won't be waiting for me. Maybe just before I leave I should have some whiskey for dutch courage (because that's what they do in films) and call him and tell him I love him....