Reflecting

I have no desire to sleep, for the first time in ever. This is strange and perturbing because sleeping is amongst one of my favourite activities. ( I am a filthy student after all) I have been thinking about stuff, OSG. Like how I have evaded emotion for such a long time, and now it is biting me on the ass. I just want him to indulge me, to hold me, to want me all the time. I want him to know that the next time I kiss him it will be our last. I am leaving the city, the country. I desire no baggage. Yet I desire him. Because it is doomed. For the past three years our heavy sexual chemistry has accumulated in the past seven or eight months of..I don't even know what I can call it. But I know that it was good. That I liked the way he made me feel, good and bad. I liked that he reawakened the needy side of me, I liked that he never indulged me. I liked the feeling of jealousy. I liked that I had to work hard for him. But I'm tired of working hard and games now. I think there is only room for one emotionally dead person in any kind of coupling. I think I must be really hard to love if my behaviour is a reflection of his. I like smiling wearily when I think of him. I like leaving this relationship with the perfect fitting end. I like knowing that we are both satisfied. I like hoping that he may one day think about us and smile like I will. I like feeling woundedly fine.