My Crap

I have started packing. I was unaware I had so very much crap. I have a family sized suitcase and it is full to the brim with clothes and shoes and belts...and crap. I just downsized, I did not know this would happen. Methinks its time for another clear out...

It has been a horrible turbulent and exhausting week. Life moves on, even though you cling on to memories in a bid to keep everything still. To keep everything in a time where things were happy. You can choose to follow a bleak miserable future, or get on with things. "Do normal things" he said.

This is one of the last posts I will write from this country. New York beckons in 8 days time.

R.I.P Daddy

Today I am mourning the loss of my father. Unfortunately he lost his battle with many illnesses this morning. He was a great man.

22.04.47 - 17.08.07

Gone but not forgotten.

A New Lover?

So the guy from the other day? He asked my friend for my number and has been texting me. The mere reading of his texts sets my pants on fire. I am hot for him. Like I said before, he was incredibly gorgeous and the sex was fabulous. Also he is a little bit cheeky, which always goes down a treat.

So I'm at work, I get a text, my knees tremble slightly as I figure out its him (afterall I don't have his number.) I reply, and the games begin. I'm being submissive, letting him think he is in control, until my last text -

>Before I leave I want to fuck you one last time. Make it happen.

His reply

>Yes Ma'am xxx

I think I have found a new lover.

I got laid

I got laid last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am in an incredibly good mood. The sex was fabulous, the guy was gorgeous, and we both knew it was a one night stand so no awkward I'll call ya's. In fact it was a great goodbye this morning, a few kisses and lots of good lucks. Just the kind of thing I needed to get back in the game and a sort of warm up for my sexploits in New York. I CAN NOT WAIT.

Talking of which I have 3 weeks and 3 days to go till the big move and I STILL can not find anywhere to live. The thing is that nobody will respond to my ads because I'm still in the UK. Which means I will literally have a week to find somewhere to live. This is scary and abit shit. But what is a girl to do.

I also got my tax rebate which a lovely £500 towards my move fund. I love the tax man today. In fact I love everything today. What a difference some sex makes!

TP.

musings

I am sleepy and bleary eyed. I was woken at three in the morning by a cheesy text from OSG. They were song words (Last Request, Paulo Nutini). He knows I am a sucker for this man's voice, and he also knows I am a sucker for some fleeting moments of romance (especially from him as he NEVER EVER says nice things) so I guess all is forgiven, as long as he doesn't come and live with me in America. Talking of which, I want to be there already!!! I am sick of waitressing. I have 12 days left of work!!! Woo and hoo! I can not wait to leave because it signals my final week in Birmingham and indeed the UK. If I must be forced to admit, I am slightly scared about the whole thing. What if I don't make any friends?? What if I can't find anywhere to live (which isn't going well AT ALL btw) and what if I get no cock whatsoever?? OK the last one is a tad far fetched, I'm sure I'll be able to get some. But what if I hate it and I have to come back home? For me it will be like I have lost. I planned this great adventure with no help or guidance or permission. I had gusto and excitement at the beginning, but now I am a ball of nerves.

I am sad about leaving OSG too if I'm honest. For the past year this man has occupied all my thoughts, my bed and my heart. I can't really imagine not being able to just call him and say I'm on my way to see him. I can't think about him with another woman, which he will inevitably be doing as he won't be waiting for me. Maybe just before I leave I should have some whiskey for dutch courage (because that's what they do in films) and call him and tell him I love him....

Boy Trouble

Why on Gods green earth do I have boy trouble when a) I don't have a boyfriend and b) I have tried my very best to appease everybody in the past few months??

It goes as follows :-

OSG - I told him I thought it was a bad idea for us to live together in New York. He is now ignoring me. Two weeks almost and still no contact.

Best Friend 1 - I went to visit him in Leeds and he repeatedly tired to touch and kiss me, even though I have told him I do not like him in that way. He has been sending me nasty texts this week saying I don't care about him and our friendship is one sided. He came to my work place (all the way from Yorkshire to Birmingham) to have a go at me and then drove back.

Ex Boyfriend - He keeps claiming that he KNOWS I am seeing somebody else. Even if I was it should be no concern of his (we broke up in JANUARY). He sends me texts asking if I want to go and meet him "one last time" and is laying on the guilt thick and strong. He even said if I hadn't been so selfish in my career we could have gotten married next year. I told him to piss off and now he too is ignoring me.

I am at a loss as to what to do with these men. I am heartbroken as I cared about them all an incredible amount. I am aghast how relationships so happy and strong could turn so horrid and wretched. I am sad.

4 weeks to NYC

Its the 2nd of August already!!! Time is running away from me. I've got so much left to do, mainly FINDING SOMEWHERE TO LIVE! I have booked a hotel for my first night in NYC. I went with The Ramada, a name you can trust. But I simply can not afford to stay there for a few weeks. I need to find a diveyer hotel which will cost less whilst I look around. The problem here is, well I'm not a divey kind of girl...all the time.

4 and a half weeks to go!! Wohoo!!