Normal blogging resumed.

Right Timbo has spurned me on to stop being such a knob. I shall explain. Yesterday I was having a rare off day but today I am all cheerful again. Yes I do like Joe but its never going to happen so we should just forget about him. OSG, I do like, very much. But I can't tell him because I'm leaving the bloody country in 3 months and I don't want to take any baggage with me. Including man baggage. However that does not mean that I can't have fun whilst I'm here. So for now, OSG will remain OSG. The Ex boyfriend has been made fully aware of our non relationship status. And Joe and I had a brief conversation in which we decided that if we meet up it will be great, but if we don't we will remain in touch because he is travelling to New York in September. So you see, everything is fine. I was just in a bad miserable mood. But I am cheered up now, so normal happy blogging is resumed.
Sorry for all the misery.

Cheerio!

A little moan

Today has been a funny old day. I'm overjoyed about finishing my dissertation and planning a fabulous girlie holiday with my two bestest freunds in the whole wide world. But I just can't seem to shake a feeling of sadness and foreboding about something. I don't know what it is. I feel abit sad. I feel abit trapped. I feel abit left behind by life. I feel let down by some people. I think that's my own fault because I never rely on people in the first place, so by letting myself become reliant I feel shitty. I feel like being a kid again (not the nappy wearing part, just the fun, not paying bills and playing in the garden all day part). I miss some people, but I know that it is probably better I don't speak to them anymore. I have nothing in common with them. Especially the ex boyfriend. Yet we keep talking about getting back together. This makes me sad because I'm not strong enough to tell him its not what I want. I don't want to hurt him or let him down. I'm still pissed off about my date with Joe. Our diaries are clashing so heavily at the minute I think I should just accept that that ship has sailed. Boo Hoo!!! He was hot!!! I am also pissed off that my relationship with OSG has me quaking at the knees. It is no longer Oral Sex. I actually quite like him.


I just fancied a little moan.

Busy Bee

This week I have :

Tiled my parents conservatory floor (and I did it well may I add)
Looked after three kids all under 7
Organised (and attended) my dad's surprise 60th birthday
Finished my dissertation (all I need to do is print it)
Watched High School Musical (and secretly liked it) with my niece
Had my hair cut
Broken the heel on my favourite pair of shoes
Been drunk and hungover (only on three drinks, you need not fear for my liver) three times
Filtered out my phonebook so I only have people I like in there.

All this because I am frustrated. But really productive so all is not lost!!

TP

Acts of God

So my date with JB was re arranged to Monday. Low and behold, half way to my house from Brighton his car breaks down. I think its just not meant to be. Lets sum up what has happened so far. The first time I was meant to meet him last month, his mother went into hospital. The second time was Easter Sunday and he had some sort of family arrangements that couldn't get out of. Last Saturday and I have no denero, then Monday and his car breaks down.This was obviously some kind of divine intervention to stop me from meeting him. I should accept it and move on. But I just can't!!! I really like him, and I think maybe I could just give him one last chance. Am I being stupid?? Should I just accept that's its not meant to be? In my head I'm already planning our wedding, having been on ONE date with this man. I don't know whether its the PMS or his dreaminess and ability to tick all my boxes, but I really like him and want him to touch my face. Now you know when I say touch my face that this is no frivolous fling.

On a less psychotic note I am in Birmingham with my family and loving it, so I shall be blogging it up a little less. Apologies in advance.

Anywho, have a good day everybody!!!

Film Night

I met Best Friend 2 last night for a "film" night. As bf2 and I used to fool around together for about six months, sometimes it is inevitable that after the lights go down, there are a few fumblings. It also doesn't help that bf2 is incredibly good looking, with a cracking personality. So last night, after many back rubs and hugs, we stumbled into bed about 3 in the morning, and the inevitable happened...we went to sleep. I couldn't do it!!! My inner slut decided to have a no show and was off somewhere else having group sex or something. I'm meeting JB tonight and I really like him, I couldn't do saucy stuff with BF2 mere hours away from meeting JB. I would be A BIG FAT DIRTY SLUT. And that is not good. So anyway, I resisted doing stuff with bf2 and was really proud of keeping it in my pants, considering how good looking he is, how much I know he's good in bed, and the great banter.

Onto JB, our date may not be happening. I don't get paid until Sunday because of problems at work, and I just can not go out on a date with no money. It would be disgustingly wrong. And I bought that stupid dress, I wish I could bloody return it. But I took the tag off it. I have a wardrobe full of dresses. So I text him and told him I was cancelling and he is currently trying to persuade me to go ahead. I might ask him if he wants to come round and stay in. In which case I won't even wear that bloody dress, so it was a big fat waste of money. I hate that dress. It is useless and the bane of my existence *shakes fist at dress*.


TP. XX

***Update***

Yes my date with JB is cancelled. I want to cry. A dark cloud has descended over my sex drive. AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!

So the panic from yesterday may have been heightened by my pms....a little bit. It turns out the email I was sent just outlined some changes to 1/3 of my job. So I still have a job, its just got some changes to it. So the carbonara, biscuit, repeated ringing was very un neccersary.

I got drunk on two glasses of wine last night. So drunk that I called everybody in my phone book and had various shit and embarrassing conversations. I'm going to throw my phone away. And now I'm really hungover and want to die abit. I think I'm getting old.

I'm going back to brum next week yay!! I'm homesick and need my mum. Also I need to make my mum feel better about me leaving for New York. She is abit worried and thinks I'm going to get really poor when I'm there and become a prostitute (or go on "the game" as she calls it) or something. That's crazy. If I get really poor I'll just go and work at Hooters, its far more dignified...

I bought a new dress for my date with JB. Its demure and girlie and makes me feel fragile. I love it. But I will have some killer undies and hold ups on underneath should some saucy goings on take place. He wanted to stay for the weekend which I didn't really want. I really like him. He ticks all my boxes but I just thought it was too relationshippy. So I did a miraculous thing, and for once said no. I'm quite proud of myself, because generally if somebody asks me for something/to do something I always say yes. I hate letting people down or upsetting them. I hope it doesn't bode too badly for our date on Saturday.

Until next time libertines!!

ThinkPink. xx

carbonara for breakfast

You know its bad when you're eating spaghetti carbonara and biscuits for breakfast. Yes in times of crisis I turn to food. (ssm you are right) SO... My job in New York??? I received an email this morning saying that there is some financial difficulties in the company and it will affect my job. Seen as its about 5 o clock in the morning there I can't get through to anybody, but I am trying in a non givey uppy psychotic kind of way. JB also rearranged to Saturday with me. Which is good news considering my eyes look like they might pop out of my head because of my stressed state of mind. Also the fact that I look abit insane staring at my inbox willing my (hopefully) new boss to e mail me.

I NEED CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gay clubbing and chemical burns

I had a fabulous Easter. I went gay clubbing in the trashy dirty dark club that is Ghetto...and loved it. Think electro kitsch pop with a few eighties reworked numbers thrown in. I was in my element. Although I was nearly attacked a few times by lesbians. I feel asleep after a few beers and woke up to find a big fat manly girl spooning me. NOT HOT. And then I was propositioned in the toilets, I was well up for it, but when the lights came on the red head was a minger and the blonde had goofy teeth. I was disappointed I must say. I was pissed and honestly thought I would have a 3some with two women. However, I'm not really interested by lesbian sex as per se..I mean, I agree, the female form is beautiful. And while I definitely could get off on it, I'd still need a man to be there. I have had lesbian sex before, but there has always been a male involved. I think if there wasn't I'd feel like I was just having foreplay, which is good sometimes I guess. But because I couldn't have a real penis I'd want it more. A tongue is definately no match for a penis.


****TRAGUS UPDATE***
Do not read if you are squeamish!

So I bought that Savalon stuff and didn't realise that you had to dilute it, and just put it on my ear neat. The result??? BIG FAT CHEMICAL BURNS ALL OVER MY EAR TWO DAYS BEFORE AN IMPORTANT DATE!! It looks horrendous. Most of it has started to clear up, there are just scabby bits, which so help me God I will pick off before Thursday.


Anyway, back to the hard life (its nap time)

ThinkPink. xx

Hungover

I am hungover...I went past my two drink threshold last night and drank...3 glasses of wine and a gin and bitter lemon. I am suffering today. I feel sick, tired and have an inability to string together a sentence. I can't believe I get so bloody drunk so easily. I'm a cheap date.
I'm going to try not to surpass the 2 drink rule when I meet JB on Thursday. I think the sex is going to be really hot and I want to remember it. I was talking to ssm last night and said that I really don't have any intention of meeting him again after this date so I better get the goods. I'm not being mean!! Its just that I'm back off to Brummie land at the end of May and then LEAVING THE COUNTRY hopefully for a very long time in August, so is there really any point?? I think not, I just want to get laid and part on good terms. I think this is more then fair. I am slightly upset, because I did actually like him. He is nice, has great hands and really hot blue eyes. But oh well, I'm sure there is a wealth of men in NYC that tick all my boxes.

I also think I want to start seeing somebody again, not like DBB because he went abit weird on me. The reason I couldn't tell you all before was because he read my blog, but now that I've moved I can spill all. Although he was good in bed, he was also abit of a dick. He used to correct my grammar and laugh at my pronunciation of words. Now, I am an English student who gets really offended by bad grammar, I am not going to use bad grammar unless it is in my artistic license (ie, deliberately) so don't fucking correct me dickhead. Also he decided I was going to meet his sister and didn't really ask me, so much as tell me. For two people who are having a casual *thing* I think that is abit commitmenty. Or am I being crazy??? I also told him explicitly I didn't want to meet her and he kept badgering me to do so. Not attractive in my book. And lastly I bored of him really quickly. And he was just no ssm, who by the way is pretty much my benchmark for good behaviour.
So what I'm trying to say is, I want a casual yet tactile(hugs, kisses, holding hands) non commitmenty thing. I'd say its going to be hard slog trying to find it.

I also have really hairy eyebrows and legs and can not muster up the energy to get rid of the hair. I should really because Oral Sex Guy may come round tonight after I finish work. Talking of which, remember when I told you about the Portuguese guy who can't speak English very well and who touched my face?? This is an exchange that took place last night. Bear in mind I have pms and am abit girly and neurotic.

Portuguese Guy - You look sad and tired
*he hugs me*
Me - You touched my breast *he brushed it*
PG - I do not want to touch your breast
Me - Why? whats wrong with my breasts??? *Look like I'm about to cry*
PG - I mean I do not want to touch your breast...hmmmm I don't know how to say
Me- You think I have horrible breasts??
PG - No you have nice breasts, they look very big and firm
Me - You are a fucking pervert

Happy early Easter everyone!!!

Thinky.

xx

I managed to get around the whole TCP thing and found Savlon antiseptic Liquid. It smells bloody great!! (If you like the smell of dettol like I do) So I may still have friends after all horah.

I have a date with JB on Thursday. I am pretty excited. I was thinking of wearing a sixtiesesq stripy dress with some heels..is it too much? Its a polo neck, but leggy which is good because after all I do want some element of come hither. I'm hoping he'll stay over and we can get saucy.

I'm giving my last lot of clothes (hopefully, I haven't fully checked all my shizzle yet) tomorrow!! Horay, that's a huge thing off my moving to New York checklist. I'm also going to give a huge collection of cds because I have them all on my comp and no longer need them. I can post them to anybody who wants them sans payment, but I don't think anybody will want abit of Westlife, Shane Ward or Craig David. I do have more eclectic tastes but sadly they are coming with me.

Yet again I have managed to do NO work today. Its too sunny to finish up dissertation or revise :( I just want to play outside!!!

And lastly if anybody wants to know what I look like...I will give you my myspace page. I feel like we're friends now and I can share me ugly mug.

Yours truly,
Thinkpink. xx

The tragus, a Colin Firth lookalikey and New Jersey

I feel like a mother shunned by her children, a cow segregated from the herd, in other words I feel really hurt. I have nursed this tragus, I have cleaned it religiously, I have not touched or fiddled with it. And it has an INFECTION. A bloody infection. It really hurts too, and without grossing you all out, it looks abit red and scabby. What am I supposed to do? It doesn't look cool like it is supposed to, oh no, this motherfunker looks angry and pissed off. It sometimes throbs with pain. I read somewhere that I should put TCP on it. TCP? That shit stinks!! I will be shunned by mankind if I walk around smelling like TCP. But I fear there is no other way. I fear...I may have to buy some or else my ear will fall off and my mum will say " I told you not to get it pierced" in an punjabi brummie accent. Mum knows best.

Had a fun day at work today even though I was there for about ten hours. I had a group of teachers in and one of them looked abit like Colin Firth. I did give him special attention I tell you. Although he was flirting with a chavalicious woman, who I think was a teacher too. She said she couldn't pronounce stuff on the menu so she was going to point to it. I'm not judging, but we only sell Fish and Chips you dim cow. Only joking, I'm just being bitchy, I work in an Italian restaurant and some of the stuff is hard to say, if you live where I live and only went to school until you were about six years old. Ahhh I'm doing it again, I will stop. She was lovely I'm sure...

I gave some stuff to charity today, and to balance out my good deed I thought I would allow myself some cigarettes. Off I skipped to Tesco only to be told I would not be sold them because I didn't look old enough. After my initial perturbation wore off I realised the women had mistaken me for somebody who was 15...15!!!! I'm 22. I felt thankful to my ma and pa for passing me down good genes.

The very nice person who is helping me relocate stateside has suggested I live in New Jersey because it is cheaper then the Island and not much of a commute. The only thing I know about New Jersey is that Coyote Ugly was *set* there. And now I want to work in a bar like that and pour tequila in people's mouths from the bottle. Seen as I do a film and tv degree I'm pretty ashamed to say I have a pretty poor taste in films. If there's baps, explosions and badies in it I'll watch it. But my films of choice are another post entirely...

Anyway, hope you all had a lovely cheerful day like I did.

Kisses,
TP. xx

*that may be a lie, I THINK it was set there but I may be being salacious.

Songs and Men

Some songs, like certain smells remind me of the men I have known, loved and loathed. Here is a list of a few songs.

1)Snow Patrol - Grazed Knees
2)Bright Eyes - Train under Water
3)Jose Gonzalez - Crosses
4)Kubb - Grow
5)Morrisey - Hold onto your friends
6)Amy Winhehouse - Stronger then me

I think me leaving has put me in an altogether really reflective mood. The Ex Boyfriend came to stay this weekend, and whilst it was a pleasant weekend, I was so glad to have my space back. And nothing happened between us, which also tells me that it was a good idea for us to break up. His stroking of my back make me flinch, I love him, but not in that way.

I also have decided, with the help of OSB (our relationship has changed loads since I last blogged about him, but basically we are really good friends now) that I'm not actually commitment phobic anymore. I quite miss being a girlfriend.

And lastly I realised that old crushes never fade *shakes head* even though you really want them to.

Moi. xx

Formally PP

Hi guys!!! Sorry for the musical chairsesq escapades with the blog.. it is a long story and I will explain extensively one day. But for now...far more important and happier news awaits!!!
I got the confirmation for my job in New York today, and I leave in August!!! I am so excited I almost weed myself abit when my new boss was talking on the phone. I also had an attack of the emotionals and cried abit. I am soooooooo happy and excited its untrue. The company that I'm working for have started applying for the visa for me, so all I have to do now is convince the American Embassy I will not be an illegal immigrant or terrorist...hmmmm.

I've been looking for places to live and it is all very expensive, but I don't care, I'd rather be poor in New York then in London. I'm also going to get a bar job whilst I'm there to supplement my shoe habit.

Seen as this is such a big thing, I thought I'd start my blog anew. Cheesy I know, but this is far more important then my sexcapades. Although talking of which OSB and I had a "date" last week and there were some rather fruity goings on. I'm seeing JB on Thursday and am quite looking forward to it. Although I'm not really bothered about men atm because of my new life changing move!!! I'm just so excited I'm sorry I can't stop talking.

Its one of those feelings where you keep smiling. Someone could poo on my face and I'd say thanks very much and walk off smiling. Of course, I am moving back in with the rents for the three months before I go to save some cash. Good old parents, they're so welcoming. I think they might try and make me stay but they know better then that, as unfortunately I am a stubborn old fool.

Nearly finished my disso!!! (check me out Greavsie) and have one exam until its all over.
I'm so excited by the prospect of being grown up!!! It wont last will it haha.

Anyway, enough boring but nice ramblings. Welcome to the world of Think Pink. I miss signing off PP actually :(

TP. XX